2. How To Pull a Footballer in a Primark Top

Prada? No thanks sweetie I've got Primark.

The whole need to write a diary started out in February of this year. It was my 21st birthday and my friends and I were headed for a weekend of fun in Newcastle. I have a good friend I met throught my old job as the PA - we'll call him Geordie. He met us in Newcastle and assured me that if I was with him I could go wherever I want, whenever I want - he would make it a birthday to remember! He also promised me footballers - hello! Just becuase I'm blonde, from Essex and have fake boobs doesn't mean I want to date a footballer. Well... ok so before we went we maybe did a little research on the Newcastle United team - just to see what they looked like and see if there were any hotties! There were. It was really never my intention to meet one though and is totally not my style. I had a boyfriend of 2 years and had enough of an image cliche without adding a footballer to the list.

Anyways, we end up in Tiger Tiger, it's really crowded and full of crazy Newcastle people so Geordie and I head off to the VIP lounge. We're not in there long when Geordie points out that there's a group of footballers he knows (at this point I am thinking - how comes he gets treated like royalty round here - I simply mention his name on a door and I am IN - anywhere I want. What's that about? And now he's friends with a bunch of famous footballers? I don't get it! I would later...)

I only recognise one player as he plays for England, or he used to - I wasn't that up on football at the time. There was a really hot guy with them, let's call him Patrick - he was really sweet and we chatted all night. There were a load of other guys there - footballers I assumed and one tried to talk to me once or twice, nothing major though. Now let me tell you about what I have experienced about being out in the presence of footballers. Those girls that are out there just to bag one are SICK. There we were chatting away and some of those girls were just embarrassing - doing ANYTHING to get their attention! One was practically doing a lap dance to a table leg, it makes me shudder even now. It was like I suddenly found myself in a queue of crazy wannabes auditioning for Big Brother! I wasn't that fussed though - I didn't recognise any of these footballers anyway and thanks to my super-successful sister who works in the media I have been to so many celebrity parties that I just do not get star struck anymore - especially by someone I don't recognise!

During the course of the night I am asked back to their 'party'. I had heard about these 'parties' and although the Absolut vodka-fuelled gold digga part of my brain was screaming YES, sense prevailed and I declined. I didn't really want to be handcuffed to a bed along with the desperate lap dancing girl and be filmed. (Well that's what happens isn't it?)

It was getting on for 3am and was so tired I had to go back to the hotel - I tell Patrick I have to leave and he suddenly pounces and asks for my number - jackpot I think - he's sweet, he's not a footballer so I know he's not crazy and he's dead hot! What more could you want? I give it to him and here's where it starts to get weird - he said he would text me in the morning but he will have changed his number by then. Huh?

Suspicious... little did I know it was to be the beginning of the weirdest 'relationship' I have ever had. Yes, a premiership footballer had looked through the queue (I'm not exaggerating) of Big Bro stylee contestant girls half naked and in his face with offers of things that I couldn't even imagine and had singled out the Essex girl in the corner chatting to the only non-famous guy in the room in a £3 Primark top. I love it when things work out like that!