I agreed to go out on a date with The Kuwaiti about a week after our first meeting. I figured anything to take my mind off The Footballer who was intoxicating my brain would do me good. I have now somehow ended up spending alot of time with him over the last few months despite him driving me CRAZY and he has actually called me his... girlfriend... ugh. (shudder)
The first time we went out we went for dinner in Chinatown - I LOVE chinese! He was talkative, friendly and just generally easy to get on with. After that he took me to a members-only club in St.James' called Fifty. It was an amazing place and he insisted on showing all round it - the casino, and even the nightclub. It was getting late so we went back to his apartment which was only 
a 3 minute walk away - it was amazing - like being in a hotel or something. Before I realised, a bit like Cinderella, that it was gone midnight and not only did I feel awful as I had been in the same makeup and clothes since seven that morning - but I also needed some serious sleep before work the next day.
As he drove me home, all the way back to Essex I couldn't
help wondering, did I really like him or was it just because of all the fluff? I mean, the great apartment in Mayfair with veiws of the London Eye, the great places he had taken me to and the easy conversation? What about if it was just him and we had gone to the local McDonalds? Would I still be this excited? I figured it was the actual DATE I had enjoyed so much, not so much his company. The thought left me with a heavy heart as I had already collected too many of these men. They crowded my inbox with emails, cluttered up my phone with missed called and texts and invaded my life with their demands on my time - did I really want to add another to the list?
Ok so they were handy if you wanted someone to lunch with, get you in exclusive places, to go to the cinema with and take you out for dinner - and of course the ultimate job that none of your actual friends can do - have a great night of hot sex! That comes in very very handy! You see,
since being stuck with The Boyfriend for two years I really don't want to get into another relationship so soon - I mean - I'm only 21 and unless The Footballer asked me out (who I am obviously totally in love with!) I want to keep all men at arm's length. Of course I'm not strong-willed enough to go without occasional male company - and why should I? So instead of picking up dangerous randoms I have collected a little group of what I call my Floaters - they all have their purpose and consist of exes and possible boyfriends who never quite made it to the grand prize of calling me their girlfriend. My top floaters range in their services and my favourites are as follows:
The Kuwaiti - 34 going on 70 - acts and sounds like an old woman. Drives me mad with his incessent drivel about nothing, but on the upside has a great apartment I can use in Mayfair, takes me out to great places and buys me presents. His secret star quality of why I keep going back for more? He is great in bed - he's a little freaky and is slightly addicted to spanking but hey - who isn't?
The Footballer Look A Like - Met him whilst drunk shortly after meeting The Footballer -
he listened to my moaning about wanting The Footballer and if I have a few vodkas and squint my eyes a little you can almost imagine it's him! He's sweet and caring and we get on great. His one crime? He is WAAAAY too Jamaican! I know it sounds terrible but it's true. He's way too cultured for my liking - sometimes I just guess what he's saying and he's one of those types who shops in the 'Foods Of The World' aisles in Tesco.
The First Ex Boyfriend - My first real boyfriend - he's sweet and hot in a conventional Calvin Klein Model kinda way (if you like that sort of thing) We ended up good friends and he's a diamond if you want any DIY doing or someone to hang out with in London at lunch. His weakness: Cheating - you'll never get him out of that habit!
The Geordie - We love him! Not in a sexual way - ever! He introduced me to The Footballer
and for that I am eternally grateful! He is a legend as my personal VIP organiser - if I want to go out anywhere whether in Newcastle or London I just give him a little call or email before I go and he ensures I don't queue or pay and get in VIP whenever I want - I bet everyone wishes they had a floater like him! His only downside? Complete womaniser but luckily that doesn't affect me as I am totally never going there!
There are other rarely-used floaters for all occasions but maybe I am growing too big a collection? When the right guys does come along am I going to be able to give them all up? They're like my little army of men - seperately they're useless half-men who I have no need for in my life - but together they are strong - I can pick and choose which aspects I like of each floater and not worry about the parts I don't like - after all they're not my boyfriends!
I wonder if I too am just a floater in their lives too though - and in which case, what the hell's wrong with me eh!
The first time we went out we went for dinner in Chinatown - I LOVE chinese! He was talkative, friendly and just generally easy to get on with. After that he took me to a members-only club in St.James' called Fifty. It was an amazing place and he insisted on showing all round it - the casino, and even the nightclub. It was getting late so we went back to his apartment which was only 
a 3 minute walk away - it was amazing - like being in a hotel or something. Before I realised, a bit like Cinderella, that it was gone midnight and not only did I feel awful as I had been in the same makeup and clothes since seven that morning - but I also needed some serious sleep before work the next day.As he drove me home, all the way back to Essex I couldn't
help wondering, did I really like him or was it just because of all the fluff? I mean, the great apartment in Mayfair with veiws of the London Eye, the great places he had taken me to and the easy conversation? What about if it was just him and we had gone to the local McDonalds? Would I still be this excited? I figured it was the actual DATE I had enjoyed so much, not so much his company. The thought left me with a heavy heart as I had already collected too many of these men. They crowded my inbox with emails, cluttered up my phone with missed called and texts and invaded my life with their demands on my time - did I really want to add another to the list?Ok so they were handy if you wanted someone to lunch with, get you in exclusive places, to go to the cinema with and take you out for dinner - and of course the ultimate job that none of your actual friends can do - have a great night of hot sex! That comes in very very handy! You see,
since being stuck with The Boyfriend for two years I really don't want to get into another relationship so soon - I mean - I'm only 21 and unless The Footballer asked me out (who I am obviously totally in love with!) I want to keep all men at arm's length. Of course I'm not strong-willed enough to go without occasional male company - and why should I? So instead of picking up dangerous randoms I have collected a little group of what I call my Floaters - they all have their purpose and consist of exes and possible boyfriends who never quite made it to the grand prize of calling me their girlfriend. My top floaters range in their services and my favourites are as follows:
The Kuwaiti - 34 going on 70 - acts and sounds like an old woman. Drives me mad with his incessent drivel about nothing, but on the upside has a great apartment I can use in Mayfair, takes me out to great places and buys me presents. His secret star quality of why I keep going back for more? He is great in bed - he's a little freaky and is slightly addicted to spanking but hey - who isn't?
The Footballer Look A Like - Met him whilst drunk shortly after meeting The Footballer -
he listened to my moaning about wanting The Footballer and if I have a few vodkas and squint my eyes a little you can almost imagine it's him! He's sweet and caring and we get on great. His one crime? He is WAAAAY too Jamaican! I know it sounds terrible but it's true. He's way too cultured for my liking - sometimes I just guess what he's saying and he's one of those types who shops in the 'Foods Of The World' aisles in Tesco.
The First Ex Boyfriend - My first real boyfriend - he's sweet and hot in a conventional Calvin Klein Model kinda way (if you like that sort of thing) We ended up good friends and he's a diamond if you want any DIY doing or someone to hang out with in London at lunch. His weakness: Cheating - you'll never get him out of that habit!
The Geordie - We love him! Not in a sexual way - ever! He introduced me to The Footballer
and for that I am eternally grateful! He is a legend as my personal VIP organiser - if I want to go out anywhere whether in Newcastle or London I just give him a little call or email before I go and he ensures I don't queue or pay and get in VIP whenever I want - I bet everyone wishes they had a floater like him! His only downside? Complete womaniser but luckily that doesn't affect me as I am totally never going there!
There are other rarely-used floaters for all occasions but maybe I am growing too big a collection? When the right guys does come along am I going to be able to give them all up? They're like my little army of men - seperately they're useless half-men who I have no need for in my life - but together they are strong - I can pick and choose which aspects I like of each floater and not worry about the parts I don't like - after all they're not my boyfriends!I wonder if I too am just a floater in their lives too though - and in which case, what the hell's wrong with me eh!
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