Ok so The Boyfriend is gone and I am lost to a world of football. I turn up to work on Monday and ask a couple of the guys there if they have heard of The Footballer, of course they have and that's when I realise he is well and truly famous - I am immediately given facts, statistics and almost inside leg measurements as well as a whole host of links to pictures, stories and profiles of him. I can't believe it - I could walk up to any man on the street and about 80% of them could tell me more about this man of my dreams than I knew already.
We had been texting and speaking on the phone for almost a month. The texts were fast and furious, often late into the night. He would call me at home and we would speak about all sorts of stuff - we had exchanged at least 500 texts during this time and several hours of phone conversations yet I knew virtually nothing about him. It's not that I wasn't interested because believe me I was! It's not like if you had just met a guy in a club - your first time of talking to him on the phone might go like:
Hey, so what do you do for a living? (Don't tell me - I already know, and so does everyone I speak to. Do you think I didn't notice the queue of girls lining up to talk to you, do you think I haven't seen the hundreds of websites dedicated solely to your past and present career documenting every goal, every fall and every step? Do you think that now I know you I don't simply skip the back pages of The Sun where you face and name regularly appear for all to see?)
So, what do you do in your spare time? (Did you know that if you google news stories I can tell exactly what you do in your spare time, I know when you got drunk, where and with who? It even had a story about you in the paper the other week for some misdemeanour or another.)
As you can see it just doesn't work. That's why I find it so hard to speak to him sometimes - when he mentions he's 'got a match' there I was thinking - oh it's just a kick about with probably a few fans watching - after all it is a Wednesday night - not a statium full of several thousand fans, full press turnout, live coverage on tv and a full report (with pictures, thank you lord!) in the paper the next day. This is big time - and I'm not sure I can blag not knowing just how successful and well known he is much longer.
You see my sister's the expert - she says that he has girls throwing himself at him all the time - they research him and find out where he goes, they know his entire back catalogue and maybe he's fed up of that. I think what made him like me is the fact that I didn't know who he was - that's why for the first few weeks I made out I didn't really know what he did - I can't keep it up anymore - but how do you perfect the harmony between cool girl and groupie?
My day finally came - I could no longer hold out and pretend to be aloof - I gave in and met up with The Footballer on a Wednesday - I had done the commute to work (almost 2 hours) when he called me - just as I was walking into the office, he said he had a day off and as that doesn't happen very often he is back in his home town which isn't very far from me and begged me to go see him. I turned around and went straight back home, jigging as I went! ( don't know what a jog is but I am pretty sure I was doing one that day!) I was sooooo nervous after all I didn't even really speak to him that much on the night - this was going to be kind of a first date - although I knew there were going to be absolutely NO first date rules!
I got home and did some frantic Bridget Jones stylee getting ready - did you know you can wash
your hair, have a bath, shave your legs, moisturise and sunshimmer, do your make up and straighten your hair in under an hour and a half if the motivation is strong enough?
Everything was going along so well I was ready early for my taxi! So what does a girl do when she's ready for some full on bed action with one of the country's hottest sports stars? Puts on some KanYe West and dances around in her underwear of course! That's right - the bitch with the heart of stone actually danced she was so excited - about a man! I was more excited than the night before christmas - and today I was due to get a BIG stocking!
We had been texting and speaking on the phone for almost a month. The texts were fast and furious, often late into the night. He would call me at home and we would speak about all sorts of stuff - we had exchanged at least 500 texts during this time and several hours of phone conversations yet I knew virtually nothing about him. It's not that I wasn't interested because believe me I was! It's not like if you had just met a guy in a club - your first time of talking to him on the phone might go like:Hey, so what do you do for a living? (Don't tell me - I already know, and so does everyone I speak to. Do you think I didn't notice the queue of girls lining up to talk to you, do you think I haven't seen the hundreds of websites dedicated solely to your past and present career documenting every goal, every fall and every step? Do you think that now I know you I don't simply skip the back pages of The Sun where you face and name regularly appear for all to see?)
So, what do you do in your spare time? (Did you know that if you google news stories I can tell exactly what you do in your spare time, I know when you got drunk, where and with who? It even had a story about you in the paper the other week for some misdemeanour or another.)
As you can see it just doesn't work. That's why I find it so hard to speak to him sometimes - when he mentions he's 'got a match' there I was thinking - oh it's just a kick about with probably a few fans watching - after all it is a Wednesday night - not a statium full of several thousand fans, full press turnout, live coverage on tv and a full report (with pictures, thank you lord!) in the paper the next day. This is big time - and I'm not sure I can blag not knowing just how successful and well known he is much longer.
You see my sister's the expert - she says that he has girls throwing himself at him all the time - they research him and find out where he goes, they know his entire back catalogue and maybe he's fed up of that. I think what made him like me is the fact that I didn't know who he was - that's why for the first few weeks I made out I didn't really know what he did - I can't keep it up anymore - but how do you perfect the harmony between cool girl and groupie?
My day finally came - I could no longer hold out and pretend to be aloof - I gave in and met up with The Footballer on a Wednesday - I had done the commute to work (almost 2 hours) when he called me - just as I was walking into the office, he said he had a day off and as that doesn't happen very often he is back in his home town which isn't very far from me and begged me to go see him. I turned around and went straight back home, jigging as I went! ( don't know what a jog is but I am pretty sure I was doing one that day!) I was sooooo nervous after all I didn't even really speak to him that much on the night - this was going to be kind of a first date - although I knew there were going to be absolutely NO first date rules!
I got home and did some frantic Bridget Jones stylee getting ready - did you know you can wash
your hair, have a bath, shave your legs, moisturise and sunshimmer, do your make up and straighten your hair in under an hour and a half if the motivation is strong enough?Everything was going along so well I was ready early for my taxi! So what does a girl do when she's ready for some full on bed action with one of the country's hottest sports stars? Puts on some KanYe West and dances around in her underwear of course! That's right - the bitch with the heart of stone actually danced she was so excited - about a man! I was more excited than the night before christmas - and today I was due to get a BIG stocking!
No comments:
Post a Comment