14. An Ideal World - Am I Wrong To Want It?

She's back! And by She I mean I, and I have discovered the craziest website in the world!

After my sister's successful little brush with internet dating I have decided to give it a go! Please don't be mistaken, it's not because I can't get a date, my problem if anything is having too many - but as they say, it's quality that counts - not quantity. No, the reason I have signed up is that I am inherently lazy. This way I have have men delivered to my inbox (pardon?!) in the comfort of my office!

However, the site I have gone for is a little different from your average dating service for lonesomes around the country. The one I have signed up to is for girls who want to date men with specific attributes! On their profiles isn't favourite foods or colours, oh no, the girls want to know their annual income and estimated net worth - it's genius! I was a little dubious as I don't want to seem like a girl that just wants a rich guy as that's not the case.

As I ALWAYS say - it's easy to find a guy you like, and it's easy to find someone rich - it's combining the two that's the tricky bit. This is one subject I do get really annoyed about. I don't like men because of their money, and I don't want things from them that I couldn't just go and buy myself - my only crime is that I like men who are driven (as in determined. Not as in to have a chauffeur - mind you, that's allowed too!) , ambitious and successful! If they're not then I just don't find them attractive. It's not my fault!

You see, The Boyfriend (remember The Boyfriend? Ditched him for The Footballer?) was a labourer and he had been doing it since he left school. I kept on and on at him to start stepping it up a gear, so I looked into booking him onto a bricklayer's course - just something that he could specialise in. I mean you can't be 30 and still just a labourer can you? He wasn't in the slightest bit interested - he especially wasn't pleased when I enrolled him on a vocational course on his behalf (cruel to be kind tactic) that he could do one day a week.

Now my problem with him and the whole situation wasn't that he wasn't earning enough money because if he had taken my advice and started a course his wages would actually have dropped, it was that he had no ambition to better himself - and THAT'S what bugs me! Maybe you think it's unfair but I don't think so - it's preferring a personality trait - it's like saying you like someone with a good sense of humour. It's definately more moral than only liking someone of a certain weight or look.

Likewise, only the other night my friends and I were discussing another dear friend of ours, F that had recently given birth as a result of an unplanned pregnancy. She is now seeing a divorced father of two who professes to love fighting with strangers on a regular basis and I never see without a drink in his hand (would someone like me to call AA or would Anger Management suffice?) Not only this, but he has a crazed ex-wife and she has a crazed ex-boyfriend (who shall both be forever tied with the bond of children). My oldest friend in the world S said that I couldn't say that in an ideal world I would prefer to marry someone with a clean slate (i.e no children or ex wives) rather than be in our friend's situation and that I will love who I love - whilst I agree with her that you can't choose who you fall in love with, I am trying to greatly increase my chances of meeting my 'ideal' man and not settling for someone with more baggage and ties than a P&O ferry.

You see this friend (who I love dearly), who thinks that it's perfectly acceptable to settle for this type of man has had a relatively sheltered life where this subject is concerned. She has had one long-term boyfriend who was in our class at school and that's it. Whereas I on the other hand have parents who, although have amicably divorced (they still buy each other birthday presents) are divorced none the less. I have experienced the problems that come with dad's new girlfriend, girlfriend's children, moving in with mum's boyfriend, troublesome step-siblings etc etc.... the list is endless. To add to that I have also experienced it first-hand having been out with men that are married, divorced men and men that have children. None are simple and if you could CHOOSE - you would never go for someone with baggage. It's a fact. However, the general concensus of the night was that now one of our friends had a baby that the rest of them wouldn't mind having one too now - not only was I shocked at that but I was appalled when they suggested that I was the weird one for wanting to wait until I had experienced a life of my own! (my friend in question is one of my oldest and most-loved friends but I seriously sometimes question her train of thought!) Am I so wrong for not wanting to get knocked-up with a beer-swilling, union-jack-tattooed man in a council flat, holding the recption to my wedding and joint christening of my first-born child in the local Wetherspoons? At the moment I can't imagine anything worse and while I am one for the saying 'horses for courses' I am determined to experience all I want to before I settle down to married life.

Anyway, I digress.

This site's great though as all the men are in central London, they are independent, successful and looking for girls to share it with right in the heart of the capital! As I like to say, Jackpot!

Did you know according to a recent survey you are more likely to meet your future partner online than you are at parties or on holiday? What a sad sign of the times of our new digital era. Call me old-fashioned but I always wanted a romantic, original story to tell my children about how their mum and dad met - not 'Mummy picked Daddy out online then she checked him out on google.' Doesn't quite have the same ring to it as; 'We met on top of the Eiffle Tower when he offered me a croissant.' I mean, I am still all for the classic holiday romance, but on the other hand, if you want to find a good quality man over 6 foot tall with great prospects, property and a solid pension plan then online man-shopping is the way to go! Still doubtful? Well I shall record my dates for you on here and you can make up your own mind. Personally, I think it's working a treat, I have hardly thought about let alone texted The Footballer in over a week, and that's always got to be a bonus!

Not even 24 hours after signing up to The Site I had emails and messages from about 10 guys. Some hot, a few a little old, but all successful, rich and living in my favourite locations around the capital.

I have been speaking to a about five or six regularly now for the last couple of days and I have a my first date tomorrow night! Dont wish me luck, I won't need it. :-)

13. The Colour Blind Experiment

I have a date tonight! Let me give you a little background info...

Last week was London's Metal Exchange week - there were parties and dinners going on and my workplace was throwing one of them. It was a Monday night - I planned to go along to the party at the Four Seasons Hotel for an hour or so - be polite, sip a cocktail or three and go home. Instead I got there, realised that a. I had nothing to talk about to these people and b. there was a very large free bar stocking my best friend - Absolut Vodka. My option was clear - to get a little drunk!

Two hours, and a good few drinks later a man I work with asked me along to another party at The Cuckoo Club - now I had heard of this, and somewhere through my drink-fuddled brain all I could think (and unfortuantely say) was "Prince Harry's a member there - let's go! We might meet him!" (I LOVE Prince Harry!) Me and the man I barely know from work decide to walk to the club bumping in Nigel from Eastenders of all people on the way - I mean - what is he DOING? Anyway - a couple of minutes of walking and random turns later we realise we both thought we knew where the other was going - when in fact, neither of us had a clue. (this may give you an indication to the amount of free alcohol consumed) We eventually got into a taxi and found out where it was. (it's just off Regent Street in case you were wondering)

The party there was hot. A tonne of guys in suits, a funny Japanese man asleep on a chair and another FREE BAR! I had clearly struck gold that night! Me and Work Boy drink and talk, talk and drink and he's pretty funny! We go to the bar (again) and I point out an absolute HOTTIE! Work Boy makes me talk to him and although I act like it's the last thing on earth I want to do - I am secretly pleased. We exchange numbers and email the very next day.

* In case you were wondering I was v ill that night, was sick in my hair and had to get up to get back to London about six hours after I had got to sleep. The moral of the story - don't abuse the free bar!

I found out he is 22 (yay - for once not an old granny - is only a year older than me!) is a Trader for a foreign bank (cher-ching!), lives in Docklands (handy for work) and is totally hot (genetically pretty children)! We met for lunch on Friday and I was dreading it ALL DAY. Don't know why, is the first time I have ever seriously thought about standing someone up - but I didn't - and had the best time! We got on really well, and I actually fancy him! Something that is rare since I met The Footballer.

We have arranged to meet again tonight, AFTER work - apparantly this is so he has more time to chat to me - woo hoo! The only fly in the ointment is that he's not alot taller than me - but hey, you can't have it all! Well, if I'm honest that's not the only problem...

You see, here's the tricky situation. Both the Footballer, and this guy - The Trader are both black. "What's the prooblem?" I hear you cry? Exactly! What is? Well if you have your mum and her uneccessarily racist boyfriend not to mention terribly old-fashioned grandparents then yes, it kind of is a problem. (I can't belive I am writing this in 2006 from one of the most advanced cities in the world, get me Jane Austen on the phone and hand me my quill.) I mean, what millenium are we in? It's one of those things you never think about until you suddenly find yourself in the situation. When I started seeing The Footballer, suddenly racists from within the family come crawling out of the woodwork. It's shocking. My mum has NEVER been like that - but recently (like, last month) her boyfriend of ten years and us all moved in together in a new house - and NOW... well now it's a problem.

I have to be honest this is an issue that has been troubling me ALOT of late. For some reason unbeknown to me black guys are attracted to me - more often than white. I don't choose it, I don't bring it on and I don't ask for it. It happens. Last New Year's I was in a club in London and some girl in the toilets came up to me (didn't know her) and said - "Do you know you've got a black woman's ass on a white girl's body?" I didn't know what to say; "thanks?" Give her a slap? I didn't know. Apparantly though - this girl got it right - and that's the secret. I don't especially prefer one to the other - that's the thing with me - I genuinely don't see a difference. If I like someone, I like someone. As they say - Love is blind.

That's why I am keeping The Trader close to my chest - I am giving away very little and conducting a little experiment. You see, I am usually way too honest for my own good but this time - I am going to pretend to my family that The Trader's white. That's right - I am going to give my mum the usual feedback after dates, and although she's never met him she will grow to like him. If we carry on seeing each other I will leave it right up until the last minute for as long as I can until I tell her the truth. A cruel trick to entertain myself or is there a method behind my madness? I have tried to talk my mum round until I'm blue in the face but she can't see the error of her ways or the absoulute nonsense of her views - she has to see for herself, and I'm going to make sure she does.

12. Love @ First Click

Real dating doesn't work. Well, it does work but it's outdated and dragged out. It's like regular shopping, you trawl the shops in the rain and wind, laden down with baggage until you settle for some half-baked dress because you're fed up of the crowds and the queues! Internet shopping (and now internet dating) has revolutionised many of our lives and now we can shop from the comfort and convenience of our home or office. With the click of a button hundreds of men appear before your very eyes, and what in the real world could take a couple of weeks, several dates and a few grey hairs later to find out is neatly laid out before you - before you've even met! For me the most important factors undoubtedly are:

Age: Got to be between 23 and 32 - anything under is juvenile and anything over is juvenile with wrinkles and erectile problems.

Occupation: Got to be passionate and successful in the business place, is one of the most attractive things about men. Fact.

Height: For me, the taller the better. I want to be able to go out out on the town with my 33" legs in HEELS without feeling like Lurch dwarfing a poor little Hobbit.

For me, a modern 21st century girl this is the perfect, time-saving answer to all my man problems! I can man-shop from work or home without spending a penny and saving coutless evenings on dead-end dates with Dull Dudley from Dullsville.

So what's got me thinking about (whisper) internet dating then? Well, as always my inspiration came from my elder sister. Not even a year ago she was diagnosed terminally single. She split up from a rushed, entirely inappropriate engagement to a loser and ended up on the shelf. Literally. She saw many, many guys of all calibre but none were right. She tried everything - and I mean EVERYTHING. Here she was, 25, single, beautiful, fashionable with her own successful PR business and everything going for her - so there was only one thing left to try. Dating Direct.

Fast forward 6 months, 126 emails and 7 dates later and she has not only met the man of her dreams, but is moving in with him by christmas and planning on getting married! The man in question, Peck - owns his own house with large grounds, a villa in Mallorca, an international company of which he is Managing Director and a brand new Porsche. Need I say any more? Maybe not but I will.

Not only that but they get on in a way that makes everyone else disappear and only they truly exist in their own little world. She is blissfully happy and how can I tell? Well the classic signs of course, the lingerie-buying, the rejoining of the gym and the harsh gritty sound of vigirous body brushing every night before bed. But most of all? The inability to see an imperfection in this man. This cyber-man - nothing but a digital page that made up a vast book of men only a few months ago has managed to get my sister - the original and self-confessed Essex Girl to move to a village in Lincolnshire so quiet no one knows it exists, thousands of miles away from home.

I wanna get me some of that (well not the little village thing thanks - I am loving my Essex/London lifestyle a little too much to hide myself away in a bush) and so I have followed in her footsteps and joined a dating site. I need to add a picture and rewrite my profile as I sound like a div, but soon dates-a-plenty will be mine!