My date with Celebrity Hairdresser was almost like two completely different dates. Maybe with two completely different people even. The first was the C.H I know and loathe - exactly how I thought he would be. Arrogant. Rude. Hostile. We went to the MayFair Hotel for a drink and for the first 20 minutes he did nothing except moan about his day, text on his phone (how rude) and give me one word answers. I wrote the date off by this time and when he suggested going to his apartment to call me a car I could barely be bothered to make conversation anymore to fill the silence.
We walked across Berkeley Square to his apartment and two text messages (him not me) and an argument about Rebecca Loos later I found myself in the nicest little apartment overlooking the square. Thing is - here's where it all changes... I now begin my date with the 'second' C.H. As from the moment we go through the door he changes like THAT 'snap'! He explains it's because he had a meeting with somebody before and the papparazzi followed him - it made him nervous. We sat down and he didn't make any effort to call a car, in fact he became really animated and we talked for almost two hours.
We started to watch a film on tv too and he came out with 'have you had a boob job?' I hate it when people ask me that! Do I ask them if that's their real hair colour? Grrrr.... Anyway he pursuaded me to show him - he insisted it was purely so he could judge them on others he had seen.... hmmm.... funny how things seem plausible until you write them down. Damn! Late New Year's Resolution: Don't be so dumb!
He talked, and talked, and talked........ so I sat back and listened - basking in the ambiance. It wasn't long before he pursuaded me to go sit/lie with him while we talked and as predicible as a fat girl in a cake shop he began doing what he does best. Being a slut. Ok, ok so when I told my hairdresser, Andrea about going out with him she warned me that it was a well-known fact that he was a whore of the highest order and would try it on - so long as you had blonde hair and a fake rack. Damnit why didn't I pay more attention to those gossip columns in magazines? Now I was in for it.
I ended up staying there until nearly three in the morning. There was a lot of talking, there was also a lot of groping (on his part - not mine!) andI think my top moment (I am being sarcastic) is when he came out with:
"Can I have sex with you?" (disgusted look and dignified 'no') "Ok well how about a blow job?"
Ugh! I sincerely hope he was talking about a wash and blowdry!
Rather disturbingly he took a creepy turn for the worse. Now he was coming out with "Ooooh you're so shy, don't you want to give me a kissy wissy?" All said in a creepy, child-molester voice. No, I'm not shy, you're just an old letch who's definition of a 'kissy wissy' is grating my skin with your old-man beard and slobbering over half my face.
I left and met Carlton at Funky Buddha. It's funny - I felt really guilty about having met Celeb Hairdresser that night, but why? I'm not even seeing Carlton... am I?
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